To Do List Before You Commit Suicide

Before anyone commits suicide they should do all of the following.


1. Clean your living space:

Clutter is gross and a clean house always makes things better. Plus when they find your rotting carcass you don’t want people to think you were a slob.


2. Do the above while listening to extremely uplifting music

(Israel kamakawiwo’ole- over the rainbow, U2- beautiful day, A Tribe Called Quest- Can I Kick It, Pete Rock & CL Smooth – They Reminisce Over You etc.)


3. Order your favorite food to be delivered while you are cleaning.

No point in caring about calories at this point, right? This is the perfect time to get chocolate milk wasted. It’s time to all you can eat on anything sweet.


4. Put your best outfit on and go shopping

Your credit and savings aren’t going to matter when you are 6 feet deep. So shop till you drop literally.


5. Call everyone you care about and talk about your favorite moments with them

No point of being dead and angry. Forgive people, reminisce, and laugh about old times. And don’t worry about going over your minutes I can’t say it will matter much.


6. Watch your favorite movie one last time.

Not sure if this is true but I heard their isn’t Netflix or Redbox in the afterlife. Either way why not watch The Little Mermaid one last time.


7. Buy a one way ticket to a destination of choice

If you are going to off yourself you should at least be somewhere nice.


8. Watch the Sunrise

It’s not something many people do that often anymore but you should at least see the sunrise and all its splendor one last time.


9. Smoke some weed.

This last one is optional but pretty self explanatory.


But seriously if you are considering harming yourself seek help.  Call a friend, family member or if you live in the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ( 1-800-273-8255 )


Maximillian Garland | Bright Futura Columnist

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19 Comments on “To Do List Before You Commit Suicide

  1. WTF!who is searching for such websites doesn’t have any hope so Don’t Post these bolshit

  2. Thanks for this. This makes me feel better about committing suicide. I wasn’t sure how I’d spend my last days but everything on your list sounds good

  3. Thank you for such a darkly humorous article. There are a lot of good tips in here to help ease the pain of the person suffering as well as their family if they do indeed go through with it. And as I’m sure you intended, doing a lot of these things will start a path towards recovery. As a paramedic I’d like you to add in something like: “Do it right: There’s nothing worse than a botched suicide” and of course I could give a laundry list of horrific examples, but I will leave it to this talented writer to decide which ones, if any, to add.

  4. Yo this was amazing, and put me in a good mood. Joking and laughing about it is one of the most uplifting things really. I still wanna die but fuck it let’s not be sad about it.

  5. Thanks, I ordered a pizza, got drunk, smoked some herb and listed to some great tunes. Didn’t clen the house, though fucl that. Holding my 9mm glock now, clicking send, and pulling the trigger. Just squuuuueeeezzzze it gently and….

  6. nice. im not sure when i’ll off myself exactly but at least i can die somewhat in peace after doing these things.

  7. When you learn to meditate with your inner voice you will let go of your need to control and find peace in relaxation.

  8. Even when people think talking to themselves is odd, they will have verbal and imagined conversations in their heads throughout the day. In meditation, you seek to quiet that inner voice that never ceases to plan, think, remember, and criticize.

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