Love or Obsession? How To Spot A Dangerous Relationship

“Hold on, let me see if my girlfriend will allow this.” “I can’t go out tonight; my boyfriend is out with the guys and doesn’t want me at a party without him.”

Do any of these phrases sound familiar? If the answer is yes, there is a chance that a dangerous relationship is right around the corner.

Many people do not realize that they are spiraling down a never-ending relationship vortex. The longer they stay in it and play by their significant other’s rules, the faster it spins and the more they get trapped. Take a step back and contemplate the following warning signs; if they sound too close to home, relationship re-evaluation may be in dire need.

Possessive

Both guys and girls have a tendency to be a little protective over their loved one. Even if they do not say it, they are scared to lose this person and be alone. Protective and possessive, however, are two very different qualities. Signs that a boyfriend or girlfriend is becoming possessive are overcalling and requesting constant updates about what you’re doing.

Jessica Nersesian, a senior education major at The University of Scranton, experienced this when dating a guy who was two years older than her. They dated for a while, but ultimately he became so manipulative and obsessive that she had to break away.

“The longer we were together, the more controlling he got. He eventually drove away my friends and family,” Jessica shared.

“He would constantly check my phone, but turn his off at night. I couldn’t go to any parties or talk to other guys and when I did go out he would pick me up and drop me off.”

Dan McAuliffe, a second-year criminal justice major at Westchester Community College, expressed that “once everything becomes expected,” it is apparent that a relationship is doomed.  Dan dated his ex-girlfriend for a little over a year until he finally broke things off. After the first six months, she began to dictate who he could and couldn’t hang out with or even do homework with. “Once she had to come with me to the library to meet my partners because they both happened to be female.”

Fear of Saying/ Doing Something Wrong

Couples fight; it’s inevitable. But if one person is going to the end of the earth to avoid confrontation because he/she isn’t sure how their significant other will respond, there is a problem. If a guy cannot tell his girlfriend how he feels because he is afraid she will blow up or break up with him and vice versa, then maybe a break up should have already happened.

Obsessive

Being in love with someone is important in a relationship. Those who are so “in love” that they cannot control themselves are the people to take caution with.

Many guys who are obsessive will fill up all of their girlfriend’s free time with things they can do together. Girls can do exactly the same thing. There are many ways to approach situations like these, but the most important thing is to make sure to get away from the relationship. Jessica described how she handled this dangerous relationship;

“I completely blocked him from my life after I broke up with him.” She advised other people that, “it’s hard to see [a controlling boyfriend] while you’re in the relationship, but looking back you will realize you’re so much better than that.”

Breaking Away

Once a boyfriend or girlfriend becomes too controlling, the next step is to leave them. This is not as easy as it sounds. Taking time to step back from the relationship and talk to other people will help put priorities in order and will allow for you to get another perspective on your relationship. Dan agreed that talking through things is helpful in dealing with a breakup, “You have to be willing to talk and get everything off your chest. I talked to my sister and told her everything that was bothering me. Instead of jumping to a rebound girl, I decided to get all of my anger out by going to the gym. I’d spend two hours five days a week just working out. The most important thing is to do your thing. I’d go out with my boys and realize I was happier without her than I ever was with her.”

According to the experts at lovegoodbadugly.com, many people find themselves so in love with their significant other that they cannot seem to even recognize the bad things in the relationship;

“When you know someone can be loving, it can be hard to stop wanting to be with them ― even if they have hurt you. It’s an exciting feeling, being in love. It can almost be addictive.”

by Melissa Recine via collegemagazine

Have you ever been or known someone in a bad romance?

14 Comments on “Love or Obsession? How To Spot A Dangerous Relationship

  1. Pingback: 10 Tips For Surviving College Relationships - Bright Futura

    • I am searching this shit cause of obsessive dude asked me out. How I know? Longggg story. So don’t worry. But helped lots. Bai!

  2. Lollll sorry. I’m not that dumb. I actually just wrote that to see if it would send without an email. Lolzy. Sorry!

  3. Pingback: My Brain Words | My Life: ADHD Version

  4. I really want to leave my controlling obsessive boyfriend we have been together 6years have two children together I also have child from a previous relationship. The last year he has got really bad. If he lets me out with friends it's only for a certain time. He says Its my thought when he is nasty because I give him the hump! I can't seem to do anything rite. I'm so unhappy. I don't no how to make the break. He would not just go I wouldn't b allowed my children or house. Please where do I start?

  5. I have been wit my boyfriend for 4 years now but for the first like 3 years he was in prison and since he got at the start he was so nice he was my world and i was his he wouldn't even look at another girls wouldn't be mad at each other for longer than 5 mins and that was an argument for us but then 2 months after he started to get kind of abusive and its getting he also has a drug problem he beats me a lot he could happen daily and real bad be i have had my arm set on fire he has spat in my face called me awful names kicks in to my private area e.t.c what do i do will he change or wont he is it going

    • luluxxx, be very careful. It sounds like you're in a dangerous situation, for both yourself and your children. I suggest you find a place for you and your children to live, apart from your boyfriend. Physical violence is unacceptable! Prison is not a pretty place, and many people have aggression problems after spending time there. If your boyfriend really loves you, he will seek help for his agression problems and maybe in the future you can work something out. However, he needs to accept that what he is doing is wrong. Also, you need to respect yourself and your children and get yourself out of that situation ASAP!

  6. Read this very carefully!

    RIGHT GET OUT NOW! I’m In a bad relationship atm but I’ll quickly tell you the beginning to a nasty relationship.

    Right I met him online not far from me. We went on dates on the first date he said he loved me straight away which I found rather weird he asked me if I felt the same and I said I as I didn’t really know you. So anyways we’d been on other dates and things were ok we had fun went drinking shopping etc 4 months down the line we moved in together CRAZY I KNOW! We had to leave parents houses hence why we had place within 4 months of seeing each other.

    MOVED IN
    we settled in but things started to take a turn for the worse. He was obsessed and never let me go out on my own locked me I when he went out, if I looked at another man in a normal way he hated it but he was allowed. He’d choose my clothes to wear or buy, he would buy me junk food to get me fat then call names, he would delete all friends/family numbers and keep my phone on him at all times.

    THR BEATINGS STARTED
    he start by hitting me if I didn’t like what he said to me etc he calls me names, tried to kill himself loads of times, covered my face with a pillow, he’d make me feel bad when I wasn’t in the wrong, he’d punch my back face kick smother me with his hands kick me in stomach God It went on and was getting worse as he actually tried to kill me. After he apologised but now he’s starting to blame me or say he has mental health problems which he knows fine well everyone will believe. The only people who think he’s a mad man who lies is the police who he hates.

    never fall for anything as he/she will try there dam hardest to make you feel guilty so you think to yourself it was my fault and that I’m the reason why he’s like this which is completely rubbish.

    So yes run while you can and just ring police if he won’t leave. HE WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DONT GET OUT

  7. I am in a relationship with the father of my 2 years daughter for 3 years now. My instincts have been telling me that this guy is obsessed with me but I kept quiet in fear. He is so manipulative and hides his true colour. Whenever I tell my family members they always end up accusing me of just want to leave the guy because he is less educated than I am. They believe he is a “Saint”. I gave in out of manipulation and we got engaged traditionally. Now I can’t stop blaming myself for agreeing to do the engagement. I can really see I won’t be happy in that marriage. I recently suggested a break up but he don’t want to accept it. He started calling my mother telling her I want to leave him because apparently I have a new guy which is not true. Now my mother is depressed and scared of the embarrassment I will cause to the family because of calling off the wedding. I don’t know what to do. The guy is crying every time asking me to forgive him, apparently he will change, but I don’t believe that. Now my only concern is my mother, should I just get married not to embarrass my mother? I don’t know how to end all this peacefully. Please advice.

  8. Well i have one, I just recently started talking to this guy and started falling for him pretty fast he has been out of prison for about 6 months, we met in Dec, started hanging out Jan and he is now in Jail for Kidnapping/Abduction. We had some guy friends over for a small gathering and he started acting all crazy with them like it was some kind of competition for me. However he was pretty drunk. Well we could sense that something was about to happen so the guy friends left. Well he wanted to take me outside to sit in the car and then started to drive i was reluctant and told him to turn around and go home we ended up on the other side of town where at that point, me being stubborn kept insisting he take me home now, he wouldn't give me a straight answer when i asked him where we were or why we were there he flipped so my instinct said run, well i shouldn't have because he chased me and began to choke me…. i don't know what to do, he is in Jail now. but i miss him i know i sound like a stupid idiot. i have never been in this situation before. but my feelings are super strong for this person.

  9. Confused, where are you? I understand your pain. There are few who do.

  10. I need a bit of assistance. I can see where my boyfriend came from. He is not the abuser. He and I have been best friends for the last year and a half and have started a relationship. My issue is his ex girlfriend. She’s making fack Facebook accounts and messaging me at first, one account trying to be my friend with the five others screaming at me and reaming me out. His family and I have talked about it as well as he and I still discuss it. His mother has messaged her telling her what she is doing is wrong and how she was going to delete her off of Facebook and told her ( the ex) not to message her anymore. The ex is still messaging my boyfriend to this day and sending inappropriate pictures and calling multiple times. He has blocked 26 number from calling on his blocking app on his phone and now she is calling from a blocked or unknown number which isn’t available on his app or convenient as his phone is a work phone. I feel like he an I can make it through this, but just having a hard time being able to coop, and to help him. I mean I want to be there for his the best that I can and so far all I could say to him was ignore her completely which he has been doing but it hasn’t helped the situation at all. I have blocked her from Facebook myself. I need help in being supportive to him and also just trying to deal with it myself. Has anyone else experienced this? I hope the answer is no because I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, however any advice is great.

  11. I have recently started dating my ex again. There are parts of me that are beginning to regret it. As I go through all of these websites majorly of the things that are signs of obsessive or controlling significant others apply to my relationship. I had gotten back together with him thinking that he had changed. He has but the more time we spend together the more I see other things that I hadn’t realized before about him. He is always telling me he can’t be without me. He tells me that I am the only person/thing that makes him happy. He tells me that us having sex is what keeps him going. My brothers are in town for spring break, I never get to see them. He’s been complaining that I spent these passed two days at home to be with my brothers. The thing about it is he does it indirectly. Saying he’s been alone so much this week yet we spend every single day together. These were the first days we spent apart. He’s always telling me I don’t care when most of my time and energy and money goes to him and us doing things together. He cries all the time. Constantly. About nothing really. I changed my main group of friends recently as well. Mainly because when I was single I spent a lot of time with those friends and we would always go to parties and hang out with different guys but I am 18.. That’s what I’m supposed to do right? :/ he said that they are gonna change me and they are gonna bring me down in life and they don’t really care about me they care about just having fun. Even if that was the case..did I have to cease talking to and hanging out with them? I used to live with him for over a year. My parents abandoned me and his family took me in. This is why this is so hard. After the year and a half I went to go visit my dad in the summer after not seeing/talking to him throughout the school year. While I was gone he tried to get with one of my best friends. The one currently is so desperate to keep me away from today. Told her she was so beautiful and that even when he was with me he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. I dumped him and returned to my hometown and moved in with a friend. While I lived with him he was incredibly controlling. I could never wear leggings or yoga pants. We would fight anytime he would drop me off at softball practice, claiming I was flirting with other guys who were there afterschool. When I returned after summer time it seemed like he changed. Of course he made tons of attempts to have me back but I constantly denied him. We would hang out occasionally have an amazing time have great sex and he would pay for everything and I still denied him. I talked to other guys and he would get so upset and he would cry and freak out and I denied him even more but I thought him trying so hard to make up for his mistake was out of love. Out of wanting to do better with his life. He always told me he would do anything to not be like his father who abused his mother for their entire relationship .But I’m beginning to feel like it’s obsession. He was and is like my safety blanket. I ran away from my mothers home at 16 because of her abusive husband. He came out of state and picked me up from where I was and brought me to his home. My mom has just recently moved back but she is still with the same guy. I keep him around to protect me. If I need somewhere to run. He knows all about my family and how bad it hurts and that’s why this is so hard to get away from. I’m so confused. I feel trapped in a way. I want a guy who will be there for me but will not put such a heavy burden on me. Someone who I can just chill and relax with and have fun with. I want someone who we can hang out with our friends together and enjoy one another. When he’s around his friends he’s so fun and outgoing and I see what I saw in him when we first met..but with me it’s so different. He can be that way and has been a lot more this time around but the same things are coming up again. There are two extremes with him: when we are together it is extremely intense and over emotional and obsessive or when we are broken up he is completely out or control drinking/smoking every night and talking to every single girl that he can. What I take out or that is that he doesn’t want to be alone because he is not at peace with himself. He is extremely insecure and needs someone to constantly remind him of positive things about himself. We have talked about his insecurity. We both know it’s there but there is nothing being done about it. I can’t take it away from him. It’s something that he must work on for himself. I’m not expecting anyone to read all of this but I just needed somewhere, something to vent to. Feel free to give advice, thank you!

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